Days that blissfully slip away

It seems like so many couples my age, well, all they do is fuck, watch tv and eat. I don't really want that. Been there, gained twenty pounds, done that. I've been single for 2.5 years and it feels so good. I hardly watch TV, I do a ton of stuff with my friends, and I just have fun. I am in the best shape of my life, and I am so independent. I don't want it any other way. Sure, I have been dating just to see what is out there but I don't really care like I used to. My mindset has shifted from being man-obsessed to career focused, attuned with my body, and inspired to take care of myself. At this point, if someone comes into my life and they're not adding to it and bringing me peace, then I do not need them around. I have also noticed that when I tell men what I want, they seem to disappear. They cannot handle it. To me it seems simple; mutual respect, friendship, kindness. To them it looks like facing parts of themselves they do not want to change and having to be emotionally intimate before they can be physically intimate with me. It’s unsettling to realize how often emotional intimacy takes a backseat to physical urges. And that really ain't my problem. 

I was talking on the phone to my friend Jesse the other day, and we both agreed, we do not even know how to be in a relationship anymore. What does healthy even look like? Hell, I’ve never even been in love and I have had relationships that lasted way longer than they should have. In the meantime while I ponder what love really is and all that, I’m just going to continue fostering the relationships of people that see me as a caring friend, a smart girl, someone who is sweet, and they know that my looks are the least interesting thing about me.

Here’s to more motorcycle rides with my dad, time spent alone in the forest near my step mom’s house, Sundays at the roller rink with Rachelle, pole jams, walks to the river with Tara, and bike rides that last way too long with Kim until Chris has to come pick us up past sundown. Sometimes I can’t believe the time I wasted on situations and people that were only there to teach me lessons, when I could’ve been passing the time with the ones I love the most.